Spins a web, any size.

Peter is spazzy & snazzy.
Mary Jane’s, lovely & jazzy.
As for the rest,
The villains are best,
They’re all razz-a-ma-tazzy!

Since Japan got the jump on all you Westerners, I promise not to give anything away (unlike some moronic reviewers who have given everything away.) Okay, one little tidbit of a spoiler, Mary Jane goes all Crying Game II on us with a huge revelation! (Just kidding.)

Tobey or not Tobey, that is the question. Mr. Maguire is at his schizophrenic best in the dual (triple?) roles of Peter Parker, and two Spider-men and at no time does he lose his hyphen, but he did come close once or twice.

Oh, Mr. Sandman, give me a dream. Flint Marko (one of the best names ever) gets his silicone implants in a big way. From his humble beginnings as a wrench-jockey in Wings to a wine-slinging boozehound in Sideways, the Church of Thomas Haden is now open for new parishioners. I suspect Marble fans will not be disappointed and kneel before this Son of a Beach.

There but for the Grace of Topher go I. The wiener boy of That 70’s Show (but clearly the most talented of that lot) makes good as the Venomous Eddie Brock. Fortunately the symbiote covers up that hideous hairdo of his, but doesn’t do much for his pearly whites.

To be perfectly Franco with you, James gives a hairy performance as Harry-Os-born-again. Though his costume looks more Green Hornet than Green Goblin, he flies up a storm in his role and plays villain and innocent with equal flourish.

Mary Jane spends most of the movie as “victim in distress” but also shows a fair set of lungs as “singer in dis dress.” I love Kirsten Dunst as MJ, as I have done so in pretty much every role she’s ever been in.

Opie’s girl grows up nicely as the blonde bombshell Gwen Stacey. A welcome addition to the fold, Bryce Dallas Howard shines in her role as the Police Captain’s daughter (played by the ubiquitous James Cromwell…baa, ram, ewe.)

Rosemary (sister to Parsley, Sage and Thyme Harris) was the Yoda of the bunch eliciting grace and wisdom as the charming Aunt May and not once did she require life-threatening medication or open-heart surgery. (Speaking of lovely women, Theresa Russell’s cameo was a welcome surprise.)

JK as JJ was brilliant as always. As was Robbie Robertson and Betty Brant. Gotta love that Stan Lee alliteration, whose cameo was wonderful. Alas, I so wanted to nudge the guy next to me and enlighten him as to who that loveable old geezer was, but decided to keep my fanboy appreciation to myself. And thank you, Bruce Campbell, for butchering the French language so deliciously, you should definitely be on stage in Spamalot.

All-in-all, a magnificent movie for the masses. Some slow bits, some maudlin bits, some soapy bits, but the action more than made up for that. Besides, show me a 60’s Amazing Spiderman that didn’t have all those elements and you’ll have shown me a non-existent comic.

Now, I promised you no spoilers, so unless you can read Japanese, the following scans of the movie Program should keep your interest piqued without pissing you off. (Click on them to make them Super-Sandman Size.)

Spidey-swag. I have a few of these goodies, I'll show them anon.

I’m taking off for a few days, so there’ll be no new posts for a wee while. But when I get back, I’ll review the GeGeGe movie and offer some pictures from my personal Spidey collection!
Stay tuned, True Believers! Excelsior!

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