Here are the Limericks I once wrote for my co-habitants at Hell House in Tokyo and at NOVA. We had a BYOS (Bring Your Own Sake) party one night and I read the limericks for everyone. Only one gal was offended which is surprising for they are quite bawdy! I thought I'd reproduced them once before but I can't find them within my blog. For your enjoyment(?), here they are. You may not know any of the people within but a few of the people mentioned are amongst my Facebook friends.
There's this one guy, Misha by name.
He's fast, but he's not to blame.
He tried hard to please her,
But as a bad student of Caesar,
He saw, he conquered, he came.
There's a habit I know of Lynette's,
She likes to give more than she gets.
With but a knock 'pon her door,
You'll soon end up on the floor
And won't leave with any regrets.
There's this one girl named Karen Frost,
Within her eyes, you'll soon be lost,
Yet for an Australian dollar,
You'll be hot under the collar
And find it was well worth the cost.
There's this Canuck girl, name of Sibel,
And though I don't know her that well.
If you're down on your luck,
She'll do you for a buck,
And won't care if you kiss and tell.
As for this Yank named Robert Lawton,
There's a question I've often thought on,
"How much does God charge
For an ego that large
And what kind of warranty's it got on?
A lovely young lass, Kylie Munro,
You should really try to give her a go.
For a few hundred yen,
She'll do what she can
To put on one helluva show.
There is Mark, and he is the boss,
But for the gene pool, a great loss.
For any future progeny,
There sure won't be many...
For he's a master of the wank and toss.
An Aussie boy, Dion by name,
And though you may think it real lame,
He thinks it a curse,
But looks quite nice with a purse
And puts all the poufters to shame.
A disreputable young man named Steve,
If you're wise, best give him leave.
But should you fall into his trap
Beware of the clap,
And that he keeps his thing in a sleeve.
The one in the house, name of Phil,
To him, he gets such a thrill.
He becomes really cocky
When he talks about hockey;
To the rest of us, it makes us ill.
There's a problem with Andrew, I'm vexed...
That when he's being orally sexed,
With a kidney stone, oh so large,
When its due to discharge,
That the back of her head will be wrecked.
There's some of those in other schools
And I think that they are real fools,
But thank goodness for Anne,
For she does what she can,
To pass on the words,"Buffy Rules!"
In Hello House, a truth here encroaches
And especially as winter approaches.
If I may be so bold,
To say, "It's fucking cold!
And the only ones pleased are the roaches.
I also composed a set of similar ditties for my colleagues at NOVA. Fortunately, I left that company after 6 months but I managed to get my digs in while I could. Tama Center was the city in which we were located.
There's a problem among Tama staff,
And it involves our dear Lynette's laugh.
At times it's so loud,
That it draws quite a crowd,
As might a call of a giraffe.
There's a teacher at Tama named John,
Whose problem we're forced to dwell on.
He may think it's art,
But it's a real stinky fart
And hours before it is gone.
There's a teacher at Tama named Lynne,
Though lovely she's also quite thin.
Therefore it's best to remember
She has quite the temper
And beware or she'll kick your left shin.
Now Eric, he is quite the scholar.
If you're stuck just give him a holler
He thinks it's great art,
He knows the lessons by heart,
But it'll cost you around two for a dollar.
This giant of a teacher named Mark,
You'd expect more from this great white shark.
But when it's his turn to speak
You get naught but a squeak...
He has neither bite nor a bark.
As for Brian, now here's the thing.
He certainly does love to sing.
Be it tenor or bass,
He won't ever lose face,
But couldn't carry a tune on a wing.
The teach' here at Tama named Matt,
Certainly knows where it is at.
He's not dodgy nor rude,
But one happenin' dude
So gnarly, you may call him phat.
John W's behaviour's sublime;
He sure doesn't waste any time.
He does sure rejoice,
If his last lesson is voice
He's gone before the bell's last chime.
The director at Tama is Kaori
And at times you'll sit there in worry.
For if you're ever late
She becomes quite irate
And you sure as hell best say, "I'm sorry!"
Now with Jen her demeanor is brisk,
Though I don't think she has too much to risk,
'Cause after she has a smoke,
A request she'll evoke,
"Hey, can anyone here spare a 'Frisk'?"
A less scholarly teacher is Clement,
With grammar he must lament,
"I find it absurd...
Is this a noun or a verb?
Is it past perfect, future or present?"
There's a teacher here that we all like,
Though Sharon once admitted to Mike,
"I may appear to give all,
But my efforts quite small
For I'd much rather go on a hike."
The Brit lass at Tama named Vick,
Now, she doesn't miss any trick.
Right now, we don't scoff
At her phony cough...
Any day now, she'll call in sick.
The quiet, gentle one named Tina,
Well you really should'a seen her.
When they misbehave in voice,
They don't have much choice...
Because then she turns into Xena.
Now the trainer at Tama named Llana,
To Nova kids she's like a nana.
Her fluency is grand
In this Rising Sun land,
She knows Kanji and Katakana.
Yousuke runs 'round like he's afire.
His sales quota he pushes much higher.
For if you've got a free
There he's sure to be,
"Can you go and hand out this flyer?"
There's this one guy here named J.P.
Of him we're quite fond, you will see.
Yet secretly we retort,
"Man is this guy short!
And what's with that goofy goatee?"
Now Kathryn's a teacher quite hardy
And she doesn't seem one to party
But one wonders though
When she doesn't show...
As to where she might be when she's tardy.
Jeff's a boy from Waterloo,
This rumour, don't be quick to poopoo.
He's always in a good mood...
Now, I think it's rude
To keep a rolled joint in one's shoe.
This one teacher, Carl is his name,
His height, his great claim to fame.
He works but four hours a day
And rarely puts files away...
At last, we have someone to blame.
Last and most certainly least...
Though Mike has been here awhile,
He hasn't learned very much style.
Sure, he has lots of fun
With a jibe or a pun...
One day, they may crack a smile.