2006-06-06

If You Would All Please Kneel for Neil...




The following is an exerpt from a sermon given by the Reverend Michael Jones last Saturday Evening.

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of a truly great individual. It is with a saddened heart that we, his truly unworthy disciples, must bid farewell to our honoured guest as he will now move on to greener, foggier pastures far from these hallowed shores. Though he was with us for only five months, it does seem like an eternity and he shall be sorely missed. The two dozen of us gathered here today can bear witness to the miracles he has performed, such as the healing of the Methuselah-like old women, of whom he has cured of frigidity. Those closer to him must have greater stories to be told, and so I implore you, to please inform this humble preacher of these tales and they can be published forthwith in the Gospels herein. For example, Brother Julian told the following parable of our Savior Neil, "In his youth he was nought but a lowly hairdresser, and much to the surprise of others in that noble profession, was actually straight. Since that meeting, Brother J has been cured of the affliction known as hair."
If we may now bow our heads in prayer, "Brethren, should you ever gather within these smoky walls sometime in the future, so to eat the charred flesh of various barnyard animals and to drink the amber blood of the gods, we shall remember our dear friend, not as he truly is but as he is perceived to be through our drunken haze. Amen and Godspeed as you fly back to the motherland."
In true fashion, later that evening Neil was witnessed consuming the raw flesh of a barnyard animal and, much later at a Karaoke bar, the masses gathered there did behold the Resurrection of his Mighty Staff!

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