The Oscar-Meyer Weiners.

Let's see how well I did:

Best motion picture of the year: Almost nailed it.
"No Country for Old Men" Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers

Performance by an actor in a leading role: Nailed it.
Daniel Day-Lewis in "There Will Be Blood". Not bad for a guy with two left feet. (I saw Sweeney Todd last night and adored it. "Johnny gets passed over yet again.)

Performance by an actress in a leading role: Not even close.
Marion Cotillard in "La Vie en Rose". She won it for playing Edith Piaf...sounds like a rice dish. (I've liked Julie Christie ever since Fahrenheit 451. No luck, this time.)

Performance by an actor in a supporting role: Nailed it, even though I've never heard of the guy.
Javier Bardem in "No Country for Old Men".

Performance by an actress in a supporting role: Not even close.
Tilda Swinton in "Michael Clayton". Good for the White Witch.

Achievement in directing: Nailed it and desired it.
"No Country for Old Men" Joel Coen and Ethan Coen. Gotta see it someday.

Best animated feature film of the year: Nailed it.
"Ratatouille" Brad Bird.

Achievement in art direction: Almost nailed it.
"Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" Art Direction: Dante Ferretti; Set Decoration: Francesca Lo Schiavo. After watching this movie, it certainly deserves any accolades heaped upon it.

Achievement in cinematography: Nailed it.
"There Will Be Blood" Robert Elswit. Sounds bloody great.

Achievement in costume design: Not even close.
"Elizabeth: The Golden Age" - Alexandra Byrne. She missed out for the Costume award for the prequel, so I guess she deserved it. Sweeney had great costumes too, but they got covered in blood.

Best documentary feature: Not even close.
"Taxi to the Dark Side" - Alex Gibney and Eva Orner. I hear it is torture to sit through it.

Best documentary short subject: Nailed it, even though I'd never heard of it.
"Freeheld" - Cynthia Wade and Vanessa Roth. Yay, lesbians!

Achievement in film editing: Not even close.
"The Bourne Ultimatum" - Christopher Rouse. Still don't like the shakey-cam and all the copycats we're going to be subjected to (Can anyone say bullit-time?)

Best foreign language film of the year: Not even close, but who knew Nazis would become popular again.
"The Counterfeiters" - Stefan Ruzowitzky (Austria)

Achievement in makeup: Nailed it.
"La Vie en Rose" - Didier Lavergne and Jan Archibald. Thank gawd it didn't go to Norbit (winner of several Razzies!)

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score): Nailed it.
"Atonement" - Dario Marianelli. He missed out on V for Vendetta, so he was due.

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song): Almost nailed it.
"Falling Slowly" from "Once" - Music and Lyrics by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. I knew the Enchanted songs would cancel each other out. Explain why Sweeney Todd was overlooked for both Score & Songs. Is it because the tunes are old?

Best animated short film: Nailed it.
"Peter & the Wolf" - Suzie Templeton and Hugh Welchman. Though the Canadian one didn't win, I am very impressed with this.

Best live action short film: Nailed it.
"Le Mozart des Pickpockets (The Mozart of Pickpockets)" - Philippe Pollet-Villard. The French really cleaned up these Awards. Next year expect a Documentary on Poutine.

Achievement in sound editing: Not even close.
"The Bourne Ultimatum" - Karen Baker Landers and Per Hallberg. Louder than Transformers I guess.

Achievement in sound mixing: Almost nailed it.
"The Bourne Ultimatum" - Scott Millan, David Parker and Kirk Francis. Granted it was certainly mixed well.

Achievement in visual effects: Not even close.
"The Golden Compass" - Michael Fink, Bill Westenhofer, Ben Morris and Trevor Wood. I'm sorry but CGI animals look like CGI animals to me. Now CGI robots look like robots!

Adapted screenplay: Not even close. But hey, if you're going to sweep, you need a big broom (I don't even know what that means.)
"No Country for Old Men" - Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen

Original screenplay: Nailed it.
"Juno" - Written by Diablo Cody Right on for this one. Though the stripper-writer is American, the lead and director were both Canajuns.

Wow! Pretty good! Nailed it 11 times! (45.8%) Almost nailed it 4 times! (16.7%) Not even close 9 times (37.5%) but most of the not even close were for obscure categories.

For an amusing take on the Awards, I recommend Ken Levine, writer of MASH, Cheers & Frasier.
I'm going to steal a line that he, himself, stole from writer Allan Katz: "Jessica Alba; a perfect color dress to go with her present shape -- eggplant."


Anonymous said...

What the F... was Jessica Alba doing at the Oscars!? Was Fantastic Four nominated for best appearence by Stan Lee? Because I can think of at least 5 other appearences by him this year that were better.
No wait, She's starring in 'There Will Be Blood II': now being filmed on location in her delivery room.
"I... drink... your...
...amniotic fluid!"

Michael Jones said...

Mmmmm. Placenta burgers.


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