2007-04-22

Fresh Air!

Green Acres is the place to be
Farm living is the life for me
Land spreading out,
so far and wide
Keep Manhattan,
just give me that countryside.

Happy Eddie Albert Day everyone! On his birthday, way back in 1970, Environmentalist Extraordinaire Eddie Albert helped to advocate a new holiday known as Earth Day to be celebrated every April 22nd. He was successful and, to this day, people go forth and take a pitchfork to the polluters of the world. Here are the Top 10 actions you can take to help make Eddie Albert Day more worthwhile:
1. Park it! Don't take your delapidated Hoyt-Clagwell tractor to work, drive your Lincoln Continental 4-door convertible through the fields, or better yet, walk!
2. Shut Down! Don't get Alf and Ralph to repair your malfunctioning electronic implements, turn them off instead to conserve energy.
3. Where's the Beef? Instead of chowing down on red meat, give Arnold Ziffel and his relatives a break by going Vegetarian once a week.
4. Eat it! Eat more organic local foods. Try Lisa's square eggs, but don't try the artificial milking machine, there are too many chemicals.
5. Let it rot! Buy a composter from Sam Drucker and use it to decompose the leftovers from Lisa's inedible meals.
6. Don't be idle! Everyone in Hooterville helps the ozone by turning off their engines at street corners, so why don't you? (Sorry, no guarantee that your vehicle will start again.)
7. Keep your eye on the temp! No, I'm not referring to your unusual farmhand Eb Dawson, rather to the turning down of the temperature control at night to conserve energy.
8. Bright ideas! Listen to one of Mr. Haney's wacky ideas and follow his hairbrained scheme to replace incandescent bulbs with compact fluorescent bulbs.
9. Don't dump it. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle! Oliver once used one of Lisa's infamous tough and inedible hotscakes to repair his truck's head-gasket. (But don't throw away the dinnerware like Lisa does, wash and reuse them!)
10. Tell someone! Make a speech about what you are doing to help the environment and the plight of the farmer. Just don't be surprised when a fife starts playing Yankee Doodle in the background.

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