Albertans - Love 'em or leave 'em.
Welcome to the Prairies. Thank you for visiting.
Here are a few things you ought to know to make your stay more pleasant:
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym.
2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a 4-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get it the hell out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine-years-old. Yeah, we saw Bambi die. We got over it.
4. Any references to "grain fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.
5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
8. Yeah, we have sweetened ice tea. It comes sweetened, you don't need a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.
9. You bring "coke" into my house you should bring rye along, and ice.
10. So you have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have
quarter-million-dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.
11. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town, but we stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks - because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
13. Yeah, we eat trout, northern pike, walleye and perch, too. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.
14. They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Highways #1 and #16 go two ways - get on one of them. The more people that leave, the better the hunting & fishing.
15. So what if every person in every pick-up waves? It's called being friendly. Understand the concept?
16. Yeah, we have golf courses, more per person than anywhere else on earth. Don't hit into the water hazards. It spooks the fish. And stay out of the woods, 'cuz that spooks the deer.
This was sent to me from a "Good Ol' Boy" from Sudbury, Ontario (a pal from Uni.) But he went to the University of Alberta (in my birthplace of Edmonton) and then went and became one of those High-faluting Broker types in New Yawk City. He lives in the burbs of Connecticut and commutes daily to Manhattan and was 2 buildings away from Ground Zero 5 years ago. Yet even though he has turned a wee bit American in his ways, it seems that he recognizes and acknowledges his roots. Kudos to you John.